Like most young children (I hope), our daughter enjoys giving voices to her pets, stuffed animals, imaginary friends and anything else that can't speak for itself. Through these conversations I've learned some pretty interesting things about our pet rabbit, our daughter's favorite stuffed rabbit and the apparent parking lot romance between my wife's truck and my car. The last one got me thinking: what if our cars could talk? What would they say to us? In a humorous (and financially depressing) trip down memory lane, I've come up with a brief synopsis of how each of my cars might have summed-up our time together:Ford Mustang (current car):
"Why did you get the V8 anyway? I haven't been above the speed limit since Dick Cheney was president. There was a nice hot-pink convertible in the showroom that you might have enjoyed more."
Honorable Mention - Ford Explorer (wife's truck):
"If you give me some soap and a brush, I'll just wash myself. Seriously (as the wife passes another car wash)...no, seriously."
VW Jetta:
"For the money you've put in to me, you realize you could've just bought an Audi, right? OK, as long as you understand. I don't need this on my conscience."
Mazda 3:
"Newsflash: I'm a hatchback with tinted windows. You really don't look as cool as you think."
Mazda Miata #2:
"I'm a week-old and someone already hit me. What kind of neighborhood did you bring me to? I want a transfer. Plus, you don't really seem to be a 'convertible guy'. Maybe we should see other people."
Mazda Miata #1:
"You don't really seem to be a 'convertible guy'. Maybe we should see other people".
Dodge Neon SRT-4:
"Ignore everything you've heard. I'm really just a Neon. I have power front windows and roll-up rear windows."
Scion Xb:
"Ignore the critics. You're ahead of the curve. Refrigerator-based transport is the wave of the future."
VW GTI:
"I'm really sorry about this back-and-forth to the service department thing. I promise, I'll try to be more reliable (as the check engine light flashes). Well at least ask if they have a loaner car available this time".
Honda Civic:
"My previous owners were two middle-aged gay guys. Where do you think the worn-down shift knob and the bite mark on the steering wheel came from? Idiot."
Buick Regal T-Type:
"Of course you ran out of gas, my instrument cluster hasn't worked in 6 years. Wait...what's that 'For Sale' sign for? Oh well, on to the next fool."
Ford Mustang:
"I've tried my damnedest to kill this kid and at least three of his friends. I give up."
Oldsmobile Cutlass:
"I'm the only black kid's car in the parking lot. Try not to make me stand out too much...Fuzzy dice...Really!!!"
